A lot can happen in a year. True. But on the back of my 28th birthday - looking at everything that’s changed in my world in ‘just’ 12 months - I have tears, and i’m letting them fall. I am grateful like i’ve never been grateful before.
I’m grateful for the people in my life… The ones who inspire me to be more of me - to choose, and keep choosing. The ones who came suddenly, loved fiercely, and fell away. I’m grateful for them too. So many times, I chose my covers over the sunshine - tears before demand - blame, shame, regret and guilt…and then… I chose something different. I got up. I put my flowers in my hair. I pulled up my socks, picked up my paint brush, and right here…I’m creating a new reality.
My new reality. Every morning, I am doing what I love - REALLY doing what I love.
Two steps back, I’m reminded of my childhood dream. Perhaps I’d be a hairdresser. I'd straighten my curls and put fighting fish on the benches. Or maybe an architect - bring order to my creations. I was good at drawing straight lines. But whatever it took, I wouldn’t struggle with money. I wouldn’t jump from job to job. I wouldn’t worry about the things I watched my parents fight over - cry over - divorce over…because I was going to have a career. I real career.
I did it. I went to university. I did everything you ‘should’ do. I became a high school teacher. It was all I did - all I be. Suddenly contemplating throwing it away…running off to become an artist…I couldn’t make sense of that choice if I tried. It shouldn’t have felt as light as it did. I shouldn’t have been reassessing my life so soon. I shouldn’t have lost my sister so young…
But it was SO light. It was the easiest (all be it scariest) choice i’ve ever made. Jemma was gone, but unbeknownst to me, she’d gifted me the possibility to change things - to finally begin choosing for me.
We always did birthdays. Pancakes on the veranda…adventures at the zoo…
28, I woke up late. I took a moment to recall what day it was. No present to unwrap - but sitting in my fox pyjamas - i was present. Grateful. For a moment, I wondered what would have been. Then I pulled back the curtains and appreciated what was.
Green flooded my bedroom, from our beautiful tree, now covered in leaves. Blanketed in morning sun, shade beneath it’s branches, I recalled our ‘photo days’. Looking for the perfect light. PJ bottoms. Classy on top. She was here. Happy. We always did birthdays.
Andy and I had a picnic. We sat at the hedge train. We went to dinner. We laughed. We told terrible jokes, and ate chocolate. We had friends to our house. I was nervous, but I made brownies. Everybody loved my brownies. Lunch with new friends, 3 bunches of flowers and our little cottage is singing. I’m singing. Bringing in the next 10 seconds…and what else is possible?
Last week I took some time for me - unhiding me. *chimes in* the shiny new website. Shayna Fernando. Creator. Teacher. Magic maker.
I’m an artist - a heARTist - creating little things with BIG love.
I’m teaching beautiful people all over the world, to be who they be - to see what they see. I’ve seen them pick up a paint brush for the very first time, watched them begin to look at the world with wide excited eyes. Being. Creating. Beyond judgement.
I’m grateful for the tools of Access Consciousness. Knowing what I know. Being who I be. Beyond the blame, shame, regret and guilt, I’m creating my magical reality. Choosing. Every 10 seconds. Sunshine. Not nearly as much time under the covers. And how does it get any better than that?
In a little under 2 months…Shayna Fernando, Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator - just a year after my very first Bars class. Ponder that. Jump!! I have NO idea what it will look like, but i’m jumping! I’m smiling with all of my teeth. My body’s full of bubbles - my future full of possibilities - my biggest fan is holding my hand and how did I get so lucky?
Thank YOU, for ALL of the warm birthday wishes. For the virtual hugs and beautiful flowers...for the cushion-y insoles to protect my hippie feet…for loving me, inspiring me, BEing with me through it all. A lot can happen in a year.