You're a Gift

How many times have you worried about being too much, while simultaneously hoping you were enough? Yeah, me neither. HAHA Forever... I've been willing to give 'all the things' if it meant having someone love me or convincing them to stay. And right now, like the rest of the world, I'm in lockdown. We're okay. Healthy. And like everyone...everything looks different. We're mindful. Not midnight shopping. Little things. Last week, I reached out to a friend...who happens to be a brilliant accountant. Through tears, i leant in. Asking for help. It was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done. But making that choice, to not hide anymore...was a biggie. Then someone put out the call... for gifts... to say thank you to this beautiful human who'd been working around the clock, to help everyone pivot with Corona. Collection was the following day. Andy had work. I don't drive. I knew I would have the babies. I couldn't go anywhere and honestly, didn't really have the extra funds to go shopping. I cried. My mind ran with what might happen if there was nothing from me in that basket. Then I had an idea. It made my heart swell. A book. A beautiful book...that I was given to me by a beautiful friend...that had helped me through so many challenging moments. I wanted to pass it on. A little piece of me - a little piece of sunshine. I raced up to my office to get it. I wrapped it up with a piece of my rose quartz. My favourite crystal. Brown paper. Gold string. And then I panicked. That it was lame. That if I couldn't buy something, I shouldn't bother. Ashamed. There were things from my childhood. Silly. Old stuff. Crying again... I reached out to a friend. Someone that knew her. I asked if she thought it was okay. It was okay. I knew she would like it. It felt the way I needed it to. I knew she would see that. I knew she would see me. It was okay. I was okay. I was enough. Always enough. ***

You're always enough. You're a gift. Even without all the things.