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  • Shayna Fernando

Literally ALL the things

It's funny! I've wanted to do this for long. Properly. And instead...wound up worrying about a name...whether anyone would read it... Basically, trying to polish something that was never going to be perfect. Life. I anticipate my audience being largely, people who know me...but the universe has a way of surprising me, and with everyone self-isolating...you just never know. So let me introduce myself. I'm Shayna. I'm a wife. To a beautiful man, who loves me to the moon. When we met, he had blue hair, and the ugliest hat I think anyone ever thought would be a good idea...but he goes alright. He makes a mean cup of tea. He's my steady hand whenever I wobble. He's also the most amazing dad. Which brings me to... I'm a mum. To two of the most life-changing little people. Oli man, who is almost 3 (whaaattt?!) and Luna bug, who burst into our world, rather dramatically, just over a year ago. I love them. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. Every day, they make me smile... and that, is not something I will ever take for granted. I'm happy. Last year, I unwrapped a leather journal from 2 beautiful friends - embossed with, 'she is sunshine'. A reminder. I've endured my fair share of darkness. 5 years ago my little sister took her own life. It was the first funeral I'd ever been to. I wound up in hospital, a risk to myself. I didn't think I'd ever be that person. I'd lost 60kg. Proud. Began gaining it all back. Ashamed. Medical leave turned into my resigning from my job as a high school teacher. I tried so many times to go back. And just couldn't. Then one day I accepted that I wouldn't. And started choosing. We sold our house and moved. To the place that makes our heart happy. We found people. Lost people. Over and over. I began to question the things that I know. That we are good. Kind. Worthy. These last 6 months have been life changing in the bumpiest way. But we came together. Our little family. Stronger. Good. Kind. Worthy. Enough. Our people will find us. They will see us. And we will love them hard. No matter what, we've never closed our hearts. I'm proud of that. I think if I were going to join the marvel squad, I'd be the vulnerable vixen. I don't have my shit together. I literally share ALL the things. I love BIG! I fall hard. But I'm honest...and if my little wobbles can contribute to one other person, knowing that they are not alone, I will push through my doubts of being too much and be.all.the.things. because WELL! I am. For a lot of people... and that's okay. After posting a very unflattering video of my hubby, my beautiful babes and I working out...I messaged my friend about my almost deleting it - Worried it was just 'too embarrassing'. She said, 'the more willing you are to be embarrassing, the more you'll inspire everyone.' So I'm here. Willing. To be real. Embarrassing. Wobbly. Happy. Grateful. All the things.

Photo by OhTilly

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© 2020 Shayna Fernando

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